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This one was a tough lesson for me to learn. A New Way to Understand Your Psychological Defenses, Micromanipulations: A Narcissist's Method of Control, What Eminem Teaches Us About the Psychology of Authenticity, Women’s Experiences with Multiple Orgasms Are Highly Diverse, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, During the Lockdown Certain Dog Breeds Have Gotten Plump, One Mindset Change That Can Make You More Successful, 9 Mental Habits That Will Make You Bitter, 10 Ways to Jumpstart a Better Social Life | Psychology Today. And the reason you have to be intentional is because of point #1 – if you’re not intentional, you’re just never going to get together with people. Clearing away the emotional debris of toxic relationships is imperative to make way for healthier ones. From volunteering with homeless pets to cheering on your team at a pub, from taking up tae kwon do to joining a knitting circle, from a neighborhood listserv to just teleworking from the same coffee shop at the same time each week, becoming part of a community will expose you to like-minded people and give you an important sense of belonging that goes beyond even the beauty of individual relationships. All rights reserved. Making and keeping friends has been an exercise of prayer, patience and surrender for the past several years of my life. Then my other acquaintances are all parents and never have the time or money to hire sitters to go out. The “cool crowd” isn’t just something you deal with in high school. This year Sean Rollosson, our former Junior School Counsellor, put together a series of short films called Tips for Making and Keeping Friends. At some point, feeling frustrated but also wanting to know how to love her well, I asked her, “What would it look like for me to be a good friend to you in this season of life?” She told me that she really needed me to call her every week, and to hold her spiritually accountable for some things going on in her faith walk, and that it would be great if we could meet up face to face at least once a month (we didn't live in the same city, so getting together was hard). In fact that is an impediment. All of those put friendships on the tail end of importance. Here are just a few of the principles I’ve held onto as I learn to make friendships that last. One moved to another state, and the other few friendships that I made I actually stopped pursuing because I was setting up boundaries for the first time in my life -- something I consider a positive thing. I’ve shed plenty of tears over friendships that just didn’t seem to be going at the pace or depth I wanted.

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