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Really? That happiness always returns. Indeed, expectations in relationships go both ways – you can’t expect something from others and automatically assume they will fulfill it. Your partner may not be perfect, but when you expect respect, you expect that they will live up to their word more often than not, that they will listen to you when you tell them what you need or how you feel, and that they will do their best to always make you happy and not cause you pain intentionally. When one does make wrong decisions, we should be able to forgive them. Though these ingredients are the same for every relationship, remember to season it to your own taste since each connection is different from the other, which makes them beautiful! Learning how to manage expectations in relationships is one of the key skills that can help your relationship survive in the long term. From such extremes, you need to manage your expectations with your partner to ensure that your relationship remains healthy. It is an irreplaceable ingredient on our list. There are like a million unrealistic relationship expectations, but that will be a different (much longer!) To conclude, setting unrealistic expectations on your relationship can only lead to frustration and disappointment. Ask yourself a question. No matter how many traits you’ve discovered and how many layers you’ve peeled back, there will always be more to learn. Yet, it is only through honesty that your relationship becomes genuine. Just someone who answers your texts and sends in goodnight messages! Personally, I expect commitment in any satisfying relationships. You may have to work out the details of exactly how much time and when, but it is very realistic to expect a partner to want to spend time with you. What we should expect instead: Right now love. Overdoing anything ruins the charm and the appeal. They should make your birthday feel special! Psych Central does not provide medical or psychological For years, I’ve absorbed what I’ve seen in movies and what I’ve heard about what happy relationships should look like. That is what a relationship is all about, right? Carrying high expectations in your relationship can take shape in a few ways. You’re pretty great, but you could always improve yourself. You know what ensures the survival of a relationship? Relationships are complex. Disagreeing is not a sign of incompatibility unless you want it to be. 4. These expectations are fantasies and false hopes that ruin your idea of your partner. If talking to your partner is taking up a majority of your time every day, ask yourself where that excess time and energy could be directed instead. It’s a romantic notion to assume we know our partners better than they know themselves, but that’s justifiably impossible. After all, this moment is the only thing that truly belongs to you. More importantly, you need to be sure your expectations are reasonable. They should shower you with genuine compliments! But it’s not reasonable to expect them to agree with every single thing ever. Honesty is the birthplace of a real relationship. No, not an over-texting maniac. One set of expectations that I feel is also very damaging, is the expectation of changing your partner. It’s just not possible. Michael Bouciquot is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern at the Counseling and Wellness Center of South Florida. Some people never realize the unwarranted damage they cause because of these inflated ideas. It is very important that you discuss the same with your partner. All you require to brew a strong relationship are some ingredients that we will be quickly running you through before discussing the 12 realistic relationship expectations. Try communicating what you would like, it may help you and your partner. If you expect your partner to shout their love from the rooftops or go above and beyond to impress you, you will feel disappointed and they will feel pressured. This is why it’s important to strive for a “good enough” relationship. Also, occasionally, going for a real date is not too much to ask for. Whether it is about Christmas, a hearty Sunday brunch or something as lame as the annual MLB game; all that makes you happy, unless it is at the cost of another person, should be respected by your S.O. Everything becomes realistic if both of you want it to be! Trust is a cornerstone in relationships. We have to remember no one is perfect and everyone has faults. Take this short survey and see if affordable online therapy can help you because. They are your partner, not a mind reader. They should know our coffee order by heart! They must acknowledge the little things! Both partners have to work harder to keep it. Which one of these expectations do you resonate with the most? An “Everything okay? But in general, you need to accept your partner, and their emotional reactions, for what they are. Talk about which of these expectations you can adapt, and which are not negotiable. May 25, 2020. Since these expectations are already implied to be part of the relationship, they usually don’t need to be discussed or negotiated. Not sure what motivates a person to think they can change someone, but it happens all the time. Unfortunately, love and relationships are areas where people tend to think in glamorous, romanticized ways that do not reflect reality well. By facing these challenges together and seeing yourselves as a team, you’ll create greater intimacy and connection, deepening your love and strengthening your relationship. If you are leaving your partner in the night, they should ask you to call or text when you get back home, unless they are dropping you themselves. You can’t expect perfection, but you can expect respect. Not too much of it, though. They begin to lose themselves. However, for an impassioned relationship, you will have to find ways to keep the romance alive! Good morning and goodnight texts with marathon conversations in between are lovely, especially during the early stages of a relationship. Some of those challenges will be things like the loss of a child, infidelity, or catastrophic injury. But, having low expectations can make you settle for less than what you deserve. What we should expect instead: Independence. Everything becomes realistic if both of you … People change, and obstacles present themselves. Instead of wanting and expecting a love that lasts forever, embrace the love you have in this moment. The purpose of this article is to discuss how expectations in your relationships can be damaging. What are reasonable expectations for a romantic or intimate relationship? advice, diagnosis or treatment. That should be a base level of happiness for you, a happiness that can’t be taken away by a breakup, job loss, death of a loved one or anything else. 1. It doesn’t happen overnight. Reasonable expectations are those that are already implied in the relationship itself. I was tormented by the earnestness of the written word not very early in my journey. Just as important as it is to share interests, it’s equally important to have autonomy in your relationship. Without appreciation, one partner may never feel good enough or is always trying to reach the standards of the other. What we should expect instead: Honesty. All of these duties can put lot of pressure on everyone. However, there are 12 expectations that are very normal to have from your partner. He received a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Florida International University and a Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Thomas University. I could not be luckier!” However, that should be true! 16 clear signs that prove you have the best boyfriend EVER, How to compliment a girl and make her blush with pleasure, 16 clear signs you’re stuck in a narcissistic relationship, 12 Toxic Expectations That Kill Relationships, 10 Unrealistic Expectations That Can Destroy Your Relationship, #AstroSpeak I Am Not Looking For A Relationship Right Now: Zodiac Signs That Are Likely To Say That, 12 Pieces Of Bad Relationship Advice That People Think Are GOOD, 8 Unspoken Rules In A Relationship That No One Told You About. To keep the romance alive, you need to be creative and put in some real work! One’s actions cannot always be wise and logical, but they must be motivated by love. Please contact us at (312) 578-9990 or to schedule an appointment. I'd type a little faster.” This Isaac Asimov line, embraces my love for writing in the finest and most desperate way that it is and should be! The key is being reasonable in your expectations and being able to identify and express them. They should notice when there is something different about you! Why did you have such a strong belief something would happen? The more difficult thing to do, however, is to have relationship expectations that are achievable. Someone who reacts violently when angry, for example, can and should be expected to learn to control those violent reactions. Relationships do not complete us. Expecting your partner to be above all the other humans on this planet is completely unreasonable. It may be a bit hard to expect commitment from your partner, but I genuinely believe that this is a necessary expectation to make your relationship last. The dressing up to look good bit or the favorite fancy meal or a glass of champagne in a lovely restaurant and not the same old cosy couch, feels good and is an expectation normal to have! As the relationship changes and evolves, it grows only by accepting – and fulfilling – reasonable expectations, which include: Commitment in the marriage, Verbal affection, Compassion and empathy for each other’s feelings, Respect for each other, Consideration for each other’s differences, We scour the Internet in pursuit of them. It will fill your bond with new vigor and energy. Spending time together deepens the friendship between the two of you. Be attentive to each other’s feelings, needs, and wants. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. Reasonable expectations make it much easier to navigate the lows . Suggested read: 16 clear signs you’re stuck in a narcissistic relationship. Even if it is something as trivial as a new hairdo, because it means a lot to you! It’s your job to figure out what you can live with. While this is a reasonable expectation, it’s still important that you express yourself to your partner so they know what you want. If you need help talking about expectations with your partner, contact us. Jan Image for relationship expectations of young couple man is kissing woman. 7. These little moments can be magical if you’re willing to notice them. Dating can be quite expensive, I agree. We don’t always recognize our expectations as being unrealistic because we don’t even realize we’re expecting them. And honestly, where’s the fun in that? Respect leads to open communication and honesty, and with all three of those, you can get as close to perfection as is humanly possible. 8. They should respect the traditions that you hold close to your heart! Even if you’re extremely lucky enough to marry your partner and spend years and years with them, one of you will eventually die and leave the other behind. And most of that work will be on yourself. And perhaps most of all, we have a ton of expectations about them. We write about them. William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”. You could spend 50 years with a person and still not know them. Taking care of the home is a team job, it’s important both partners help each other in these duties, but hiring a maid, nanny, or even getting help from other family members is okay. What we should expect instead: A flawed human being. Just because it’s not the extravagant gift or idea you had in mind, doesn’t mean they didn’t put any thought into it. The point of a relationship is often to reach the same thing: to get married, have children, grow old together, etc. When you love and care for someone, the relationship will always be worth fixing!

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